Remember: we are not our work

If you’re anything like me, you might feel a bit of a blow to your ego or self-confidence when your work is rejected.

It’s a normal feeling, I suppose. Every writer who submits work will feel the sting of rejection.

Even after 40 years of working in fields where rejection and criticism is part of the gig — in journalism, public relations, marketing, and brand-building, all fields where your work and your foibles are subject to the eyes and opinions of many — the pinpricks of rejection from the literary world can strike a nerve. And even though my writings are among the dozens or sometimes hundreds of unsolicited pieces a literary journal may receive in a day (pity the slush pile readers), a rejection can still feel like a letdown.

This past weekend, a couple of email rejections seemed to sting more than usual, for some reason. One of the rejections offered sound, constructive criticism about the story, and I appreciated that feedback and plan to revise the piece with that in mind. The other was more or less a form rejection.

Before I got too far in my descent into self-loathing — right before that circle of writer’s hell in which I question the quality of my work and my reasons for writing at all — some writing advice arose from my memory. Advice that has carried me through similar struggles in the past.

It’s not about us

The memory was in the form of words (or course) from Natalie Goldberg’s wonderful book about the craft of writing called Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within (highly recommended). And the encouraging words come from my favorite chapter of the book: “We Are Not the Poem.”

I’ve read and reread that chapter many times to remind myself that whatever I create — a short story, a blog post, an article, a book, a song — is not me. Rather, it is a creation by me, an expression of my thoughts at a particular time and space, and that I should not interpret reactions (positive or negative) to my creations as critiques of me as a person.

“Sometimes when I read poems at a reading to strangers,” Goldberg writes, “I realize they think those poems are me.”

It is important to remember we are not the poem. People will react however they want; and if you write poetry, get used to no reaction at all. But that’s okay. … Don’t get caught in the admiration for your poems. It’s fun. But then the public makes you read their favorites over and over until you get sick of those poems. Write good poems and let go of them. Publish them, read them, go on writing.

– Natalie Goldberg, Writing Down the Bones

We are not the poem. It’s a good way to think of ourselves and the work we create.

We are not:

• the short stories and essays we’ve written
• the rough drafts we’ve wadded and tossed into the wastebasket
• the deck we built last summer
• the garden we tended
• the blog post we published that managed to get a few likes (or not)

As Natalie Goldberg reminds me, what we create is not who we are.

So the next time a rejection from a literary magazine stings a bit, remember that it is not about you.

Maybe this piece from LitHub — “20 Famous Writers on Being Rejected” — will also provide some solace from some of the greats who have been in our shoes.

The trick is to swipe away the sting, pick ourselves up, and keep going, even in the face of those rejections.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some short stories to submit.

Photo by ROCKETMANN TEAM